Thought Zero – Damn, that flu bug that is going around caught up with me and my family the past couple weeks. Seriously messed me up. That is a nasty little thing folks. Do your best to stay healthy. Let’s get to the Honorable Ring of Wrestling.

1. We start with Dalton Castle talking in a pre-taped promo. Nothing much to see there. He puts his title on the line against Punishment Martinez later. But the opening song features some new clips with the current roster, so that’s good.
2. First match is a new tag team called the Beer City Crew (Beer City Bruiser and Kingpin Brian Milonas) taking on Coast 2 Coast. Last we saw C2C, they were able to knock off War Machine to send them off to NXT. Let’s see if they can keep up the momentum. C2C is giving up about 300 pounds to the Beer City Crew though.
3. Bruiser and Milonas have control through the power of the fat guy for most of the match. Bruiser is SO much more athletic than Milonas though. This tag team does very little for Bruiser. That’s why his teaming with Silas Young was so good because it allowed him to be more athletic and interesting rather than just being fat guy #1.
4. The match gets toassed as Kenny King interferes in the match because Silas Young was doing his job as the Beer City Crew’s manager by helping their opponents back into the ring. He can’t help it that C2C is uncoordinated and kept falling down every time he tried to assist. Anyway, this then becomes WWE booking and they add Young and King to the match to make it a six-man match. That isn’t really fair to either of these teams, but so be it. C2C just stand on the apron while Young hits Kenny King with a big knee and then Bruiser and Milonas hit a couple double splashes on King. Yet he kicks out and C2C starts their flippy comeback. And an illegal triple team on Silas Young results in King hitting the Royal Flush and giving them the victory.
5. Backstage, the Dawgs talk some smack about Coast 2 Coast. I guess that is going to be a little mid-card tag team feud now. That’s good for both of them.
6. We get some promo work from Mandy Leon in a Ring of Honor studio, and Madison Rayne from what looks to be her living room. These two will have a first round match in the tournament to crown the inaugural Women of Honor championship. Funny note, Mandy Leon points out that she came through the ROH Dojo and has been here since Women of Honor began as a branded thing. But Rayne counters by saying she was in Ring of Honor even before that, unfortunately making herself seem much older than I think she was meaning to. Deonna Purrazzo is guesting on commentary, but since she is in the tournament she probably shouldn’t be commentating on it. Maybe she should be scouting instead. But it does seem like she needs so work on the mic still.
7. Mandy Leon looks pretty good here in the ring with some interesting and innovative moves. The only thing that brings Leon down just a bit is that she seems moving just a tad slower than most of the competitors. Not necessarily due to her athletic skills, but because it looks like she is thinking a little too much about what to do next. Some good near falls towards the end of the match and Leon winds up winning with a move called the Astral Projection which is sort of a pump handle Back to the Future cradle slam.
8. We cut to backstage footage from last week with Cody charging into the dressing room wondering where the Young Bucks were when he was getting beat up by The Kingdom last week. Apparently they were running late. After Cody leaves, Marty Scurll comes in to show the Jackson Brothers a sign he got from a fan. Nick Jackson lets him know now is not the time and points out the fan didn’t even spell his name right. Ha.
9. Main event is Dalton Castle’s first title defense against Punishment Martinez. Marty Scurll is guest announcer for the match, pointing out that he is coming for the belt as well. Cool visual as Castle does his usual pomp and circumstance with confetti and streamers and the boys and all that while Punishment Martinez just stands there, still in the ring, looking pissed off. Little things like that are what makes Martinez’s character work so well. Almost like an angry Undertaker. Scurll points out that he has never had a World Title shot and wonders why Martinez gets a shot before him. Scurll also rightfully points out that Colt Cabana has even had several title shots which he has lost and didn’t deserve more than Scurll.
10. Castle has control early, but Martinez uses his badassery and strength to take over. He also almost breaks Castle in half with a Last Call powerbomb onto the ring apron. Overall, this was a pretty good TV main event which didn’t live up to the hype of a world title match. Martinez is still maybe a year away, and they really seem like they are building to Scurll taking the title off Castle sooner rather than later (which would be a good move). Castle uses some of his amateur background to hit some nice throws and suplexes, but Martinez is just too strong. Martinez hits a crazy dive over the corner onto Castle and the boys on the floor which was so impressive that Scurll switches nationalities and becomes Australian for a minute, letting out a “Crickey!” Finish comes after Martinez almost kills Castle with a wicked kick to the side of the head, but somehow is able to reverse a psychodriver into a pin. Post-match, Martinez just annihilates the Boys because he is rightfully pissed. And we’re out.

Another good hour of wrestling. So much more exciting than WWE programming, to be honest. Until next week…

Thought Zero – I know everyone talks about NXT being the best hour of wrestling on TV each week. Technically though, NXT is on the WWE Network and not regular television broadcasting. I know, I know. I am not a millennial and the definition of TV is changing and all that. But I still challenge you to watch ROH for a few weeks and tell me whether you still think NXT is better. Nothing against NXT, but ROH has been on quite a roll with their weekly episodes lately.

1. We start off with SoCal Uncensored and the Bullet Club give promos about the 6-man title match tonight. I am not sure it is worth noting, but Kazarian wasn’t in the promo for SCU. Probably more worth noting is that Adam Page is turning into Brian Pillman’s Loose Cannon character more and more, including giving an unhinged and angry promo. Good work from him.
2. The first match of the night should be the main event. Because it involves Jay Lethal. It is Jay Lethal versus Flip Gordon! During Lethal’s entrance, he mentions that Lethal is a true superstar and min eventer, which is why it is so weird that he is opening the show. Um, I JUST said that, Cabana! But the use of the word “superstar”… should we read anything into that?
3. We start off with some nice reversals and such. One cool one had Gordon try for an Oklahoma Roll and Lethal just collapse on him while Gordon was rolling through to get a two count. You see, that is just next level stuff, not just running through a moveset over and over again. Then Lethal goes for a cutter and Gordon does a handstand to counter that. The camera almost missed it, but they had a good angle for a replay. Tell me again why this isn’t the best wrestling on TV?
4. Back from commercial and Gordon is in control, but he tries a corner dropkick too many times. Less than a minute later, Lethal gets sick of Gordon’s schtick and just levels him with a vicious forearm. Maybe they are turning Lethal slowly back into a heel. If so, they are doing a good and subtle job. Lethal makes an attempt for a pin after a particularly angry corner whip, including a grumpy cover where he drives his elbows and knees and hip and shoulders and everything into Gordon. Cabana astutely points that out. Then Lethal than hits a couple mean knees into the back and tries again.
5. Gordon and Lethal take turns diving on each other outside the ring, a sequence ending with Gordon hitting a multi-twisting backflip to the floor to send the show into commercial. Back from commercial and the two men are just trading forearms in the middle of the ring. That leads to trading knife-edge chops instead. Lethal is looking more and more pissed. Gordon hits a springboard sling blade which was nice looking but somewhat contrived.
6. The crowd chants “This is awesome,” and while that chant is overused, it is on the money here. Finish comes when Gordon tries some springboard move and slips off the second rope to the ground. Lethal picks him up and hits an overhead dragon suplex which looked wicked and then a Lethal Injection for the victory.
7. Colt Cabana stops Lethal on the ramp back up the ramp to announce Jay Lethal versus Dalton Castle at the 16th Anniversary show in March. But Marty Scurll comes out to make his point that he still hasn’t had a title shot. Lethal points out that he deserves to be the number one contender because he’s beaten a whole host of people, including Scurll. Scurll then challenges Lethal to be his first title defense after he beats Dalton Castle for the belt. Okay then. that works for me. I guess the title reign of Dalton Castle is coming to a close.
8. We get some promo work from Brandi Rhodes and Karen Q. They show clips of Brandi Rhodes winning a qualifying match, which Karen Q points out was Brandi’s first win in ROH. Now they go up against each other in the Women of Honor title tournament. Um, how come Brandi is allowed to be called a Rhodes and Cody is not? In all seriousness though, if they don’t have Karen Q just crush Rhodes here, it will make this tournament seem very weak. Karen Q is so much better than Brandi it isn’t even funny. But she is super short though. Not sure I realized how short she actually was. And we get a commercial break. In this match? The match is basically a prolonged squash for Karen Q, but she misses a frog splash and Brandi hits some soft chops. She does hit a sling blade though, which was pretty nice. Brandi then fakes an ankle injury and the ref stops Karen Q from attacking. This allows the cheap rollup from Brandi and she moves on. And the Women of Honor have sold out.
9. Promo from Dalton Castle interrupted by Marty Scurll who is hedging his bets and putting in himself for #1 contender is Castle beats Lethal. Scurll reminds Castle he defeated him on his first day in ROH. Scurll is just on another level here and if this doesn’t end up with him holding the title, the booking is 1000% wrong.
10. Main event is for the 6-man titles between SoCal Uncensored and the Bullet Club. The match is exactly what you would expect it to be with a lot of flying around by everyone. SCU win the belts after Scorpio Sky hits Matt Jackson with a belt, so that’s a surprise. But here is Bully Ray! Shouldn’t he be elsewhere, getting ready to be inducted into a Hall of Fame or something? It seems that he is not a General Manager or Authority Figure, but he is now an Enforcer to make sure the honor in the company is restored. That sure sounds like an authority figure to me. He restarts the match because he is now Dusty Rhodes or something, and the Bullet Club retain.

Very crappy ending to a really good show. Honestly, the last two matches had the wrong people going over and the reintroduction of a character that should be long gone. Great work from Marty Scurll and Jay Lethal though. Seriously, just copy and paste that last sentence every week. Until next week!

Thought Zero – Ring of Honor keeps running shows like WWE is not on the road to WrestleMania. All I can say to that is thank goodness.

1. We start with a recap of Bully Ray becoming an “Enforcer” which is just a General Manager of another name. And hey, here is Bully Ray starting the show with an in-ring promo. Why is everyone just taking his word on this? Can’t someone give Joe Koff a call and check on the legitimacy of Bully Ray’s alleged powers?  Well, Bully Ray is good on the mic and he can’t wrestle anymore, so I guess this is as good of a spot for him as any.
2. First match has So Cal Uncensored, represented by Frankie Kazarian and Scorpio Sky, taking on the Young Bucks. Hmmm… I wonder where Christopher Daniels is. I don’t think I have ever seen Kazarian and Sky team up before. And SCU attacks during the code of honor. Quickly though, the Jackson brothers turn the tables.
3. Cody Rhodes comes out to cheer on the Young Bucks and join the announce team. The Young Bucks look confused, so this must be from right after Cody attacked Kenny Omega.  Cody again reiterates that Bullet Club is fine. Back and forth match with both teams getting an extended period of offense. It gets a little interesting because I haven’t seen a lot of Scorpio Sky and his high flying offense looks impressive in tag team/short bursts. But in the end, the Young Bucks win with the Meltzer Driver. Christopher Daniels attacks after the bell and Adam Page comes down for the save while Cody moves slowly into the ring.
4. Next we have a little backstage altercation between Silas Young and Kenny King. That match will be the main event tonight.  We also hear from the Briscoes whoare coming for MCMGs ROH tag team titles. But now, here are some highlights of the Women of Honor title tournament.
5. Kelly Klein took on Bonesaw Jessie Brooks. We get some promo work from both women and then a few clips of the match. Despite her slightly robotic speaking style, Kelly Klein is coming off an almost three year undefeated streak and continues to look dominant. Klein picked up the win with a huge knee strike. She moves on to wrestle Mandy Leon in the second round.
6. Deonna Purrazzo defeated Holidead with a Fujiwara armbar to move on in the tournament as well. We got the same individual promo clips from the contenders, serving as an introduction to the women and to try to put over the importance of the tournament. Holidead says a lot of nothing but tries to be spooky. Purrazzo cries during her promo. That is not exactly the way to try to make the women appear on the level of the men.
7. The ROH 16th Anniversary show is looking pretty solid. Some of the matches include: Matt Taven versus Cody, Briscoes versus MCMGs, Marty Scurll versus Punishment Martinez, and Dalton Castle versus Jay Lethal. Just those four matches by themselves is pretty much enough to sell the show.
8. Main event is for the Ring of Honor Television title. Kenny King gets his contractually-scheduled rematch against the champion Silas Young. Young has Beer City Bruiser and Brian Milonas with him. Young also has decided to grow out his beard instead of sticking with the porn ‘stache he’s been rocking for years.
9. This match is pretty evenly matched early on. We even get a dual dropkick spot with both men trying for it at the same time. After Bruiser “accidentally” trips up King, Bully Ray comes out and enforces Bruiser and Kingpin to the back. I know I mentioned that Bully Ray is good on the mic, and he is, but if ROH wants to challenge the PG nature of the WWE, he needs to clean up the language.
10. These two go back and forth and back and forth. They are very well matched and are putting together a great main event here. The crowd, normally a little dead for Kenny King matches, gets into this one hot by the end. And we see a huge surprise as Kenny King regains the ROH TV title with a rollup pin over Silas Young. I would not be opposed to these two men wrestling again at the 16th Anniversary show. Great match.

Bully Ray started off the show saying there would be no filler. Unfortunately, there was a lot of filler as we only got two full matches tonight. But one of those matches was a TV title change, so that is still pretty awesome. ROH! ROH! ROH!

Beautiful people, the nominations for the Academy Awards have been released. Now, be honest, you haven’t seen all of the Best Picture nominees, have you? As I do each year, I would be happy to be of assistance.

I feel it is my duty to provide a thorough review/summary of each of the nominated films in case you can’t get to see all of them before the Oscars. Since you haven’t seen all of these nine movies, let me fill in the blanks. Because, for the umpteenth year in a row, I have seen exactly 0.0% of these films this year!

2017 was a pretty rough year for Hollywood. Let’s just list a few things that went wrong for Hollywood this year:

• With the rise of Fuckface Von Clownstick (thank you for the apt moniker, Jon Stewart), Hollywood was in a tizzy. Not only did the liberal elite have to listen to Mel Gibson and James Woods boast about the Republican control of the White House and both houses of Congress, but they also had to watch Clint Eastwood spend the entire year wearing a MAGA hat. Luckily no one takes Mel Gibson or James Woods seriously for other reasons as well, but the fashion faux pas by Dirty Harry shook the normally sharp-dressed actors to their core.
• Stories about Harvey Weinstein’s despicable behavior became well known outside of Hollywood circles in 2017. While these stories were not surprising, the sheer volume of them and the number of people playing moral Twister to try to justify their own behaviors gave rise to multiple audition tapes for Reed Richards in a new Fantastic Four movie.
• Hashtags officially became public enemy #1 to Hollywood in 2017. From the #MeToo movement to the #TimesUp movement (both taking on the ugliness of sexual assault and harrassment) to the #OscarsSoWhite movement (pointing out the lack of diversity in Hollywood) to the #OscarsSoMale movement (bringing attention to the blatant sexism in Hollywood), hashtags were everywhere. All of a sudden, an industry whose growth was based on the seven deadly sins was seen as a negative. Luckily, #Hashbrown never took off.
• Of course, with any positive social understanding and change, there are small-minded and hateful people who feel they have to lash out in counter-intuitive ways. So, from the morons who brought the #NotAllMen hashtag to the forefront, Hollywood started seeing a wave of horrible people who thought that having a racist and sexist president gave them the right to say and do whatever they wanted. Yeah, I have no joke here. It’s just too sad.
• Finally, not only were the Jedi placed on the endangered list, but we were informed that the last one was in danger, prompting a possible extinction of the Force.

Of course, it wasn’t just Hollywood that was affected by the calls of resistance to the de-evolving of American society. These battles played out all over reality. Movies, in addition to providing escapism, have always sought to reflect the feelings of the people. As such, movies released this year tried their best to provide hope and a reason to resist. However, the grand pall of existential despair was everywhere this year, and the Best Picture nominees show that in microcosm.

Let’s get to the nominees, in alphabetical order:

“Call Me by Your Name” – This most striking thing about this film is its bleak outlook on the movie industry itself. The directors/writers/producers/everyone did not even care enough to properly title the film. Instead, when movie theaters asked what to put on the marquee, the distributors just told them to call it by whatever name they wanted, in the snarkiest tone possible. In the promotional material provided to the Academy, there was a simple index card taped to a BetaMax videocassette which said, “Call Me by Your Name – no one cares and it doesn’t matter anyway.” Also, given that the movie was only available in BetaMax format and a very limited run of Laser Discs being produced, no one was able to watch the movie anyway. This type of self-spite made this movie the perfect Best Picture nominee for 2017.

“Darkest Hour” – One would think that this movie would be a shoo-in for a Best Picture nomination in any year. A movie that revolved around a historical figure at a critical time in world history that was well acted and intriguing seems to be begging for a Best Picture nomination. But 2017 was not a normal year. Therefore, this movie about Winston Churchill and starring Gary Oldman did not get the nomination for Best Picture. Rather, one hour of the movie was nominated for Best Picture. This sixty minute period of time was dubbed the “Darkest Hour” because the filmmakers turned off all of the lights on set for this time, ostensibly to save on electric costs (and appease the Greenpeace protesters outside). During this hour, placed exactly in the middle of the film, the entire theater becomes engulfed in darkness. The audience hears the actors bumping into set pieces and each other. The dialogue completely falls apart as actors just give up on their lines and scream in an attempt to use echolocation and escape the film lot. After this hour, the movie picks up where it left off when the lights went out without explanation. Movie critic Jay Sherman points out that this “Darkest Hour” creates “the perfect expression of disorientation associated with movie-goers free time being wasted by indulging in a pointless practice of staring slack-jawed at  a giant screen. The darkness is welcome for those who feel passing out might be the best course of action. This movie is sure to be a hit with the drunk and chemically-altered audience.”

“Dunkirk” – A comedy making the list of Best Picture nominations is a surprise move. Not only is “Dunkirk” a comedy, but it is, in essence, a sports movie. Well, at least this movie COULD HAVE been a comedy, if it was focused from a different perspective. “Dunkirk” suffered the most from a typo when the movie was released. The original name of the film was “Dunk. Irk!” and is a basketball movie highlighting the phenomenon known as posterizing. Posterizing is a term used when a basketball player dunks the ball over an opponent and the result is so impressive that the image is used for a poster celebrating it. The opposing player, the one who is being beaten badly, only gets to be on the poster because he stinks. With that in mind, the film title of “Dunk. Irk!” is spoken by the defensive player because try as he might, the superior offensive athlete is making him look foolish. However, with the typo, people believed this was a World War II movie and probably why it was nominated. But in this odd year, maybe a film laughing at the humiliation of losing in sport is a worthy contender.

“Get Out” – What is there to say about this movie? Well, for starters, it isn’t really a movie. It is a blatant scam. The theater takes your $12.50 for the ticket and requires you to purchase at least $32.75 worth of refreshments. Once everyone gets into their seats and settled, the screen flashes a singular title card, stolen from an old Monopoly board game: and screams the name of the movie over and over again. Then, the doors are locked and everyone in the theater is subjected to a lame Escape Room type of game. After one hour, an announcement comes over the speakers saying that the popcorn was poisoned and escape is the only way to get the antidote. At the end of the three hours in the theater, the doors are unlocked and ushers come in to clean. Definitely not a movie for the faint of heart. However, it masterfully matches the overwhelming sense we have of being dead inside with being dead outside.

“Lady Bird” – Finally we get a movie with substance. This film details the heartwarming tale of a patriotic young woman named Juli who was going for a bicycle ride one day. She was minding her own business, enjoying the weather, when suddenly the Presidential motorcade came screaming around the bend, almost mowing her down. Incensed by the lack of human decency displayed by this egotistical ass, Juli spoke the visual language of the vast majority of the country and gave the motorcade the middle finger. Colloquially, this gesture is called “flipping the bird,” giving the movie its title. Later in the movie, Juli is fired from her job because her bosses are a bunch of weak-minded cowards. But never fear, her heroism is rewarded through a GoFundMe campaign and she gains immortality through a hugely viral meme. This hero story of the last living person with hope is the odds-on favorite to win, if not the Oscar, then the hearts of millions.

“Phantom Thread” – This movie is one of the more symbolic movies which have been nominated for Best Picture this year. Already a shoo-in for Best Costume Design, this film rises above the level of gimmick early on. “Phantom Thread” was filmed in front of a giant green screen but used no CGI. The trick used to such great effect was that every costume was sewed together using very thick green thread which matched the green screen itself. This created the illusion of disembodied parts floating around and characters who seemed to be physically tearing apart at every seam. Obviously, this is representative of the disassociation in the world and the fractured nature of us all. The plot of the movie was definitely secondary to this thoughtful insight into our souls.

“The Post” – One of the more divisive films on this list, it was rumored that Tim Allen protested this film as a “left-wing liberal conspiracy of the highest order, most likely funded by George Soros.” When asked if Mr. Allen knew who Mr. Soros was, he simply grunted like a caveman, said, “I’m Santa Claus!” and ran off into the woods. The film itself is a master class in minimalism. For two hours and 37 minutes, we see a singular fence post on the screen. We can see the remains of a run-down farm behind the post with a voiceover explaining this post “stands in Nebraska, but could be anywhere.” The narration, handled by Ron Howard, speaks for the entire film, in the most condescending tone imaginable, about how the post is a symbol. It is a symbol of the midwest, the heartland, the guts of America. But also it is a symbol of ignorance and corn-based home-made alcohol and meth addiction and jingoism. “The Post” symbolizes the foolishness of the typical Trump voter who votes against his or her best interests. The only action in the film is sophomoric and occurs in the last five minutes. That is when an ugly pigeon with a bad toupee lands on the post to defecate on it. And scene.

“The Shape of Water” – One of the more straightforward movies of the year, “The Shape of Water” explores what happens when diametrically opposed sides argue over any topic to the point of inaction. Obviously, the shape of water depends on the container in which it is housed, so that container is the item argued over in the movie. 85% of the movie is from found footage first aired on C-Span with the remainder filmed on location in the United States Capitol building. To gain a consensus on the shape of water, House Republicans suggest glass drinkware. House Democrats counter that plastic beverage holders would be more appropriate. Eventually settling on a pint glass with a rubber coozie, the Senate side takes up the debate. Senate Republicans argue that a cup might be easier to handle. Senate Democrats, led by Senator Hook of Neverland, take offense and demand that a pail be used for the water. Senators Jack and Jill (Republicans from the Hill) filibuster for hours, using Jack’s CT scans for visual effect of the pail being a bad idea. I would warn you of spoilers, but let’s be honest, you aren’t seeing this movie for the plot. You’re seeing this movie for the special effects, as after 3 hours of pointless and childish bickering from our country’s supposed leaders, cool-looking, shape-shifting Terminators come back in time and blow up Washington DC just minutes before another continuation resolution vote can be heard. So happy endings all around.

“Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri” – Perhaps the bleakest of all the bleak movies this year, this film consists of three still shots, repeating in order: WE ARE DOOMED.

This year’s batch of Best Picture nominees share a strong moment in cinematic history. They remind us that not only can we not see the forest for the trees but we also cannot smell the napalm being used as accelerant in the approaching wildfire.

Whichever movie takes home the golden idol to worship, the Academy would like you to remember that movies teach us all an important lesson. That lesson is: nothing matters and we are all going to die, so you may as well keep seeing these things.

Until next year (maybe), enjoy the Oscars!

Thought Zero – Hello all. I’ve been absent. I don’t have a doctor’s note, but if you need one, I can get one if necessary. Let’s see what Ring of Honor has going on these days.

1. Opening match is Coast 2 Coast versus The Dawgs (Rhett Titus and Will Ferrara). Beer City Bruiser and Brian Milonas are on guest commentary for some reason. All three of these teams would do well to have a nice little feud with each other. They are all fairly solid with some interesting potential, but they need to develop some to get the fans thoroughly behind them.
2. Decent back and forth match with nothing much of note happening, but I will say that Ferrara is apparently trying out a Rick Steiner impression, complete with biting the tag rope, smacking his own head, etc. The Dawgs are trying to rely on comedy a little too much though. LSG kicked out of a frog splash by Titus in an odd move. I know they want to push C2C, but you don’t bury a huge move like that. Shaheem Ali gets the hot tag and C2C is able to finish off Will Ferrara. Post-match, C2C get attacked by Beer City Bruiser and Brian Milonas. I’m still not sold on Milonas, not because of what he can do, but because he and Bruiser are now being pushed as simply big fat guys. Not athletic and innovative wrestlers who happen to be large. Oh well, we’ll see where it goes.
3. Hey, Dalton Castle must have won in his World Title defense against Jay Lethal because he is scheduled to fight Marty Scurll at Supercard of Honor. Scurll does a brief little promo dressed to the nines, including a cool-as-hell bow tie which says Villain on each side. After commercial, Castle cuts a response promo. Now, I never thought Castle would defeat Lethal, but I really doubt he retains against Scurll. And frankly, Scurll deserves that title for the work he’s been doing.
4. Next up is a Woman of Honor tournament match between HZK and Mayu Iwatani. This tournament feels like it has been going on forever, but apparently this is still a first round match. This maych is from a Stardom event in Osaka, Japan. Stardom is a pretty good working relationship for Ring of Honor to have if they want to make Women of Honor serious. I openly admit not knowing much about HZK or Mayu Iwatani, but Ian Riccaboni is really talking them up, especially Iwatani. And just like that, Iwatani does something which makes me say “Holy Shit,” as she hits a running low dropkick on HZK which knocks her straight through the ropes and to the floor. That was … ow…
5. We take a commercial break and when we return HZK has control, grounding Iwatani with a chinlock and then a rolling leg scissors which ends in a dizzying pin attempt. Iwatani tries a Northern Lights suplex which gets countered into a big DDT. HZK then hits a sweet Michinoku Driver and a frog splash butt drop. Very impressive sequence there. Some more back and forth, including a cool Crucifix Driver by Iwatani. Iwatani eventually gets the pin after a bridging dragon suplex and she moves forward in the tournament. Both of these women were just throwing bombs out there and were very impressive.
6. The main event is a 10-man tag team match between The Addiction and The Kingdom versus Bullet Club (represented by The Young Bucks, Hangman Page, Marty Scurll, and Cody Rhodes). I would say that Scorpio Sky’s absence at his SoCal Uncensored partners’ side would be conspicuous, if I cared about Scorpio Sky. The Villain doesn’t bother with his plague match today, but does have a cool Villain bandana he’s wearing.
7. Cody takes a separate entrance from the rest of Bullet Club, allowing Cabana and Riccaboni to push the storyline of Cody’s arrogance is what is breaking Bullet Club apart. But Cody has t-shirts made up for the rest of the team which says “Bullet Club is fine.” Yeah… not the best catchphrase. It basically is a sledgehammer of a plot device. But he does get everyone to wear the t-shirts, so I guess that’s a win for Cody.
8. The match is just chaos from the get-go with everyone diving onto each other and hitting wild moves. But wait, Matt Jackson notices Cody has the word “leader” on his tights. But Cody hits a diplomatic superkick on Christopher Daniels which seems to be enough for Matt. A little further into the match Kazarian and Page reignite their hatred for each other with some passionate fisticuffs. And a little while later, Cody is taking a significant amount of punishment. I guess that’s another way to show you are leadership material.
9. I want to give Ring of Honor and Matt Taven some major props for their work in building up his character. I know the purpose of this match is to build up the Bullet Club tension and promote Cody versus Kenny Omega. But they have really made Taven seem like a big time star. Like, so much so that I buy him as a main event star now. Good work there. By the way, Bullet Club won after some Scorpio Sky interference backfired. The Kingdom and SoCal Uncensored start beating on each other as the show ends.
10. Yes, I can not finish this 10 Thoughts without mentioning the fact that Cody not only has his own entrance, and that he brings Brandi to the ring as well, but he has his own personal mascot now. On a conceptual level, that is awesome. But the mascot is a guy in a bear suit named “Bury the Bear” or something like that. Plus, he did a top rope dive onto everyone in the middle of the match. If you want people to boo Cody, stop having his character do weirdly interesting out-of-the-box things that make people cheer him, like having a daredevil personal mascot. I’m not sure it all works, but it is interesting.

I will be back next week. Sorry for the missed episodes. I’ll be better. I may also have a Fantasy Book regarding WrestleMania sometime soon. Until next week…

Thought Zero – So I saw a good portion of the NJPW event on AXS television last night. I’m not going to dwell on it, but I thought I would mention it since so many Ring of Honor wrestlers appeared on the show. Just a few thoughts , no numbers needed, on it:

• The show was super long (like 4 hours long), but honestly it did not seem as tedious as even most 3 hour Raws. Maybe it is because I don’t see these guys all the time, I am not sure. But I was still awake by the main event, and that is saying something.
• Speaking of the main event, the main event of the Golden Lovers versus the Young Bucks was excellent. Matt Jackson must be taking acting lessons because his facial expressions, emotional outbursts, and more were just fantastic. Also, by this point, I don’t know if his back is hurting seriously or not.
• The Young Bucks are definitely starting to show their influences stronger now. Matt Jackson seems to be Matt Hardy to Nick’s daredevil Jeff Hardy. And, while they both sell well, last night’s match really made me think that Matt Jackson is Ricky Morton to Nick’s Robert Gibson hot tags and saves.
• In other actions, Jay White still needs a scrunchie. But he is convincing as a heavyweight now. The extra muscle he has put on in the past year, in addition to his continued growth in the ring, has done a lot to help him look more like a main eventer. I’m not sure what a feud with David Finley does for him, but he looked very much a champion tonight.
• Speaking of the NJPW United States title, if Hangman Page does not break out as a huge star this year, I will be shocked. The progression of Page’s persona and skill since I’ve started watching him in Ring of Honor is just unbelievable. The dude has always had some very impressive, and fan friendly, offense, but his mean streak and wildness has blossomed this past year and I would have been 100% okay if he took the title from Jay White last night. Excellent showing from him.
• Rey Mysterio was there last night, torn rotator cuff and all. Of course, he was not able to compete, but he did promise to return and wrestle for NJPW. I guess that WWE negotiation isn’t going as well as hoped.
• Mysterio’s replacement, Will Ospreay, defeated Jushin Thunder Liger in a non-title match. Now, I understand keeping Ospreay strong, he’s the future and Liger is like 1000 years old, but if they were going to have him win anyway, why not make it a title defense?
• Now, even though Liger is old as dust, the dude can still go. Seriously, this was a super fun match and I found myself really wanting Liger to pull the upset here. After the match, Ospreay even complimented Liger for being so awesome at 53! Honestly, I am not sure anyone would have guessed the legend behind that mask was 53 if you didn’t know he’s been around since they invented wrestling boots.
• In addition, if you didn’t already know Marty Scurll was awesome, he attacked Ospreay from behind to remind you. Then he pulled the mask off Rey Mysterio and started wearing it half on and half off. He ran from Liger, but just because he doesn’t support elderly abuse like Ospreay.
• Scurll was also involved in a Bullet Club versus Bullet Club match earlier. He and Cody teamed up against the Guerrillas of Destiny. After some Cody shenanigans to begin (and Cody has finally found a way to make the NJPW crowd boo him at least), the G.O.D. kicked Cody around and to the floor. Scurll then did a very funny and over the top display of cheering for the G.O.D. and yelling at Cody outside the ring so he wouldn’t suffer the same fate. It didn’t help, but it was entertaining.
• Tama Tonga was SUPER OVER with this crowd tonight. And justifiably so. I’ve talked about how quick he is in the past, but it is nuts. Every single move of his looks like it is a snap version. The dude really should be a huge star. And Tanga Loa, while still not great, has gotten better and is showing some nice flashes of personality.
• I haven’t mentioned it yet, but the camera work was not great. It was almost as if the cameras were too close, or they had a zoom lens on them. You couldn’t see the whole ring, they missed a lot of spots, etc. It was annoying.
• Rappongi 3K (Sho and Yoh) teamed with Rocky Romero to defeat SoCal Uncensored. I didn’t care about this match and was not too spectacular. Kazarian flubbed a springboard legdrop early on which the crowd notcied. He did try to play up a potential leg injury after that though, so kudos for trying. I just don’t care that much about any of these guys except Daniels.
• David Finley and Juice Robinson defeated Hirooki Goto and Gedo, and I just don’t really get the love for Juice Robinson. I mean, he’s okay, but I don’t see “star” in him. Maybe it is just me.
• Killer Elite Squad defeated Toru Yano and Chuck Taylor (sorry, I just have a hard time calling him Chuckie T). Taylor is not bad, but I tend to not love his comedy stylings. And Yano annoys the ever-loving shit out of me. So I am going to pass on speaking about this one except to say that somehow Lance Archer has made himself into a believable monster.
• In one of those NJPW huge tag matches where one faction faces off against another, Los Ingobernales de Japon (Tetsuya Naito, Bushi, Sanada, and Hiromu Takahashi) defeated Taguchi Japan (Ryusuke Taguchi, Hiroshi Tanahashi, Kushida, and Dragon Lee). Naito got the pin on Taguchi, which is pretty much how it should have gone down. Not having EVIL there lowered the excitement level for me a tad, but everyone worked hard. Nothing changed with how you viewed everyone though, as you come away from the match still feeling that Naito and Tanahashi are superstars, Kushida and Lee are two of the best light heavyweights in the world, and Takahashi is super fun but underutilized.
• Also on the card was the first meeting between Kazuchika Okada and Zack Sabre, Jr., albeit in a tag match with Tomohiro Ishii and Minoru Suzuki also involved. Now, as someone who does not watch a ton of NJPW, I came into this match without expectation. I know they are building to Sabre versus Okada, and I can see why. Sabre is pretty damn awesome and Okada is arguably the best in the world right now. But watching this match, and I recommend you do, is for one main reason only – to see Suzuki and Ishii beat the snot out of each other! At first, I was thinking, eh, these two “badasses” are throwing pretty weak looking forearms and elbows at each other, but that changed quickly. You could actually see the intensity and strength of their blows increasing as they got more and more into the match. Suzuki and Sabre also had some cool double team stretches and submission holds during the match. Violent and fun. The only issue I have is that the match made me want to see a singles match between Suzuki and Ishii more than a singles match between Sabre and Okada. I don’t think that is what they wanted the result to be.
• They announced they will be returning to the United States in July, so that’s cool.
• Maybe I am just getting grouchy in my age, but I am not enjoying Jim Ross on play-by-play any more. Josh Barnett is pretty lame on commentary as well. I would much rather listen to Kevin Kelly work these shows, but I know JR is a bigger name, etc. It just seems like he misses so much or miscalls so much these days. I don’t know, maybe I just need a Snickers.
• Finally, Kenny Omega ended the show by chasing off Cody after he came out to berate the Young Bucks for losing. Nick wound up shaking hands with Omega, but Matt was not so quick to forgive, which was an excellent beat. Finally, Omega put over NJPW, talked about them coming back, and dropped in a line about him possibly having a broken orbital bone. I’m not sure when in the match he injured it, but it did look like it was starting to swell up and discolor badly by the end of his speech. If he does have a broken orbital bone, I wonder how that will affect the upcoming Bullet Club showdown between he and Cody. I mean, I can imagine they can get some play out of it with Cody offering to loan him his old phantom-looking mask, etc., but he could be out a while. Since I am already over the Bullet Club, anything that might prolong this storyline is not a friend of mine.

I’ll be back in a little bit with 10 Thoughts about Ring of Honor television this week and a new Fantasy Book later this week to ruminate on Wrestlemania possibilities. Until then…

Thought Zero – The Women of Honor tournament continues and Flip Gordon flips into the main event. It’s Ring of Honor, bitches!

1. We start with The Kingdom coming out to talk about the conspiracy against them. Then Bully Ray comes out, wearing a checkered shirt which looks like referee stripes at first glance. Bully Ray says there is no conspiracy and takes away their title shot at Supercard of Honor. TK O’Ryan then calls him out and asks him why he gets to make decisions around here. Fair question actually. Bully Ray then leaves saying he would fire them if he could. You know, that segment sort of gives credence to a Kingdom conspiracy. Also, I still don’t like Bully Ray as the Enforcer/GM/Commish dude.
2. Back from break and we get a recap of the Women of Honor tournament so far. We’re starting the quarterfinals now. Here is “The Gatekeeper” Kelly Klein versus “The Exotic Goddess” Mandy Leon. Leon is all business tonight, not the typical smiley sashsaying Leon. Neither woman shakes hands at the open of the match. Not quite sure why they hate each other as they tall everyone this is their first match against each other.
3. Klein’s power gives her the advantage off the bat, including a fierce looking pin attempt where Klein just leans on Leon’s face with both hands. Mandy finally catches a break when she shoves Klein to the floor and hits a running cannonball to take them into the commercial break. Back from commercial and leon comes off the top with a big dropkick and then hits some stomps in the corner. Leon hit a Kryptonite Krunch onto the knee, as called by Colt Cabana, but only gets a two count.
4. Klein regains control with a huge fallaway slam off the top rope, tossing Mandy Leon 3/4 of the way across the ring. Neither Ian Riccaboni nor Colt Cabana have mentioned Kelly Klein being trained by BJ Whitmer yet. I wonder if they have dropped that focus point for her backstory since Whitmer isn’t on TV much anymore. Leon hits a nice Astral Projection for two, and then does some sort of seated neckbreaker submission hold on Klein. Klein taps out, but on the opposite leg of the referee, so he doesn’t see it. Leon breaks the hold thinking that she’s won. Klein then locks in a front facelock choke, and Leon passes out, allowing Klein to move on to the semifinal round. Pretty good booking there, making both wrestlers look strong and formidable going forward.
5. Back from break and The Boys are taking on Adam Page and Marty Scurll. Page comes out to the Bullet Club theme but Scurll comes out to his own entrance. Not sure if that is due to potential dissension in the Bullet Club or because his entrance is just super awesome. No plague mask today, but he is wearing a suit and an eyepatch. Page is wondering what is going on, since he doesn’t seem ready to wrestle. Want a good laugh? Cabana and Riccaboni both laughed that The Boys are a COMBINED 300 pounds.
6. Scurll looks like he is going to wrestle in his suit. He did take off his jacket and watch, talked some trash to the Boys and he then tagged out immediately to Adam Page. The crowd and Page got a good laugh from that. Obviously Page does great against The Boys, despite them getting some ineffective offense in. Page hits a turnbuckle powerbomb on one of the Boys which almost breaks him in half. Ow, that was sick. Page offers to tag in Scurll, who does tag in and then right back out.
7. As Scurll and Page discuss the logic behind Scurll trying not to reinjure his eye before his title shot at Supercard of Honor (plus, Scurll letting Page know he can destroy The Boys alone), The Boys pull some Twin Mgic switcheroo moves behind their backs. A small package gets two, and The Boys get a little bit of an advantage. As Scurll goes over to jaw at Dalton Castle, Adam Page hits a Buckshot Lariat to pin a twitching boy. Post-match, Scurll swipes the title belt just to show he can, then sets it down gently for Castle to let him know he won’t have it much longer. Oh, and Scurll is now blonde as well.
8. We go backstage where Kenny King and Silas Young are fighting again. Silas Young is sporting a later year Randy Savage beard now. Not sure I am digging that or not. The brawl spills out into the arena where Young and King take out a bunch of security guards. Bully Ray is now out and Silas demands he gives him his rematch. King takes Bully’s microphone and demands a Last Man Standing match at Supercard of Honor, even though it is apparently Young’s signature match. Um, he’s won one of those that I can recall… not sure that makes it a signature match.
9. The Briscoes cut a promo about Supercard of Honor where they will defend their ROH tag team titles against Jay Lethal and Hiroshi Tanahashi. Jay Briscoe, looking crazier than ever, makes a solid point about Lethal and Tanahashi being two of the best singles wrestlers in the world, but the Briscoes are the best tag team in the world. You know what? That is good logic there and something that is missing in most professional wrestling, especially in the tag team realms.
10. The main event has Flip Gordon taking on Scorpio Sky. I get that they are pushing Gordon, so having him in a TV main event is understandable. But the other guy is Scorpio Sky. Even if you want to push Sky, he isn’t main event level yet. Honestly, Kelly Klein versus Mandy Leon should probably have main evented this show. Hey, Flip has abeard now, making him slightly older than the 14 years old baby face he is normally sporting. Sky offers a handshake at the beginning, but Gordon doesn’t trust him. Early on, Gordon does his walking-on-his-hands bit, and Sky tries to kick out his arm, but Gordon stays standing on one arm as he pulls it out of the way. Impressive, but it is a stunt and a show. If he could somehow turn that into a an offensive move, that would be cool. Gordon wins with a roll up, but the rest of SoCal Uncensored attacks. The Young Bucks save Gordon and Matt Jackson offers his hand in friendship. Gordon accepts and everyone hugs. Bully Ray comes out again (man they are getting their money’s worth out of him tonight) and he congratulates Flip Gordon for accepting his ribbing from The Young Bucks for the past couple months with good humor. Um, some might call it bullying and perpetuating that culture, but let’s move on. Bully Ray then makes a Supercard of Honor six-man tag match between SCU and the Young Bucks and Flip Gordon in a ladder match. But is it for the 6-man titles? Who knows, he didn’t say. What the heck kind of enforcer is he anyway, making matches but not announcing if they are title opportunities?

And we’re out. The Women of Honor quarterfinals continue next week and there is going to be a bunch of gold in the ring when the tag champs the Briscoes take on the World champ Dalton Castle and the TV champ Kenny King.

Until next week, check out my thoughts on the NJPW Strong Style Evolved event and be on the lookout for a new Fantasy Book on Wrestlemania possibilities a little later this week. Toodles.

Why hello there. I see you are still hanging around this place. I’m glad you are here. I decided to take a stroll through some old stomping grounds and resurrect the old Fantasy Book for a little WrestleMania special. These Fantasy Books may continue as the spirit hits me, or they may forever fade into the nothingness of the interwebs. That is up to Widro to decide.

Today, however, I shall share a few little tidbits I thought could be interesting to book for WrestleMania and after. Let’s dive right in…

• It appears that the WWE is going to run with the John Cena versus Undertaker storyline and match. I am not opposed to that at all, but I think it could be done a little better. If you feel like it, check back through the archive here and see how I thought it should go down way back when. I think there was at least one full Fantasy Book column about it.
• I know they try to get everyone on the show to have their little WrestleMania moment. Heck, that seems like the only reason to have added the Andre the Giant and the no-longer-Fabulous-Moolah battle royals in the first place. But there seem to be an inordinate number of multi-person matches this year. I would rather have a long storyline that gets paid off with a huge one-on-one match at least for the title matches. Adding additional people to a title match often times diminishes the quality of the match. And that is not what you want at your biggest event of the year. Take this example: the Intercontinental Title. Miz is the champion and they are fiddling with his title reign to make him possibly be the longest holder of that title if he wins at WrestleMania. All good so far. But he doesn’t really have a current storyline that can be paid off. So the writers look around the locker room and realize Seth Rollins and Finn Balor have nothing to do, so they shoehorn in a 3-way match for the title. From the beginning, this storyline seems forced and Miz (the champion) seems overshadowed. Now, let’s fix it with just some minor tweaking – Balor defeated Rollins for the Universal title a while back and was injured during it. Balor’s never gotten the Universal belt back. Rollins has had success but a recent run of failures has left him craving to re-establish himself as the main player on Raw. But Balor is not cool with that, since he already beat him and feels like he should be the bigger guy in the pecking order. The two of them continue to do their little game of one-upsmanship for a few weeks. Heck, you can even have Miz play troublemaker and try to rile them up. Then, one week, Miz goes too far and asks why Balor and Rollins are even fighting. They don’t have a shot at the Universal title and they are definitely well below the Intercontinental champion on the ladder of success. Kurt Angle comes out and says that Miz is right. And since Miz doesn’t have an opponent for WrestleMania, this may be a way to solve everyone’s issue at the same time. In fact, Angle can make it a triple threat right then. The next week, Miz will complain that it is not fair while Rollins and Balor interfere in each other’s matches causing losses both ways. Rollins and Balor will both complain to Angle about the goings-on. Angle will come out the next week to start Raw talking about how he can admit when he was wrong. He listened to all three men and have decided to alter the plan for WrestleMania. Miz shouldn’t be punished for being a dominant champion, so he says he doesn’t have to wrestle in a triple threat match. But he still needs to wrestle. In addition, Balor and Rollins have proven that their hunger to be the best will not allow Raw to be big enough for both of them. So, at WrestleMania, Finn Balor will go one-on-one with Seth Rollins (it could even be a ladder match if need be). The winner will immediately get a shot at the Intercontinental title against Miz and the loser will have to leave Raw (to presumably go to Smackdown). Miz could even be the guest ref for the initial match. This gives the fans an awesome Balor versus Rollins match with some major intrigue, the possibility of Miz being able to pick the bones of the winner to defend his title, and we don’t have to dilute the product. What do you say?
• I will admit that having Daniel Bryan return throws off my fantasy booking a little, mainly because I didn’t want to see Shane-O-Mac compete at WrestleMania. It also messes up my plans for Kevin Owens though. But not as much as the WWE changing the US Title match to a Fatal 4-way match. Look, I can tolerate Bobby Roode, but I don’t like Jinder Mahal, and I can’t stand Randy Orton. So I was hating the 3-way match as it was scheduled. By adding Rusev, at least they have someone in there that the fans care about, even if WWE doesn’t like to acknowledge how much Rusev Day has caught on. With Rusev languishing for the past several weeks, I figured it was a foregone conclusion he would be in the battle royal and forgotten. But I had hopes. Hopes that he would have won the battle royal and made a face turn at the same time. I guess it is still possible for him to make a face turn, but what he does after is more difficult to set up, but let’s try… Let’s say that Rusev wins the US title in a surprise victory. The crowd goes nuts, he and Aiden English are able to fight off an after match attack by Mahal, and Rusev Day is celebrated. Then, Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn defeat Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan through some sort of nefarious scheme. Maybe have Sami hit Bryan with brass knuckles behind the ref’s back, allowing Owens to get the pin. Afterwards, Shane goes away and Bryan and Sami tear some houses down with a series of great matches after WrestleMania. Meanwhile, Kevin Owens has a revelation and tries to distance himself from Daniel Bryan a bit. So he challenges for the US title, claiming he never should have lost it, etc. Owens going after Rusev’s title, on Rusev Day, makes for a pretty easy, fun, and exciting storyline to carry Smackdown for the next couple months. Seriously, give them the ball and see how far they hit it out of the park. Yes, I know, I mixed my sports metaphors there!
• Jumping to the Women’s side of things, I predicted the Asuka versus Charlotte Flair match a while ago, so I was not surprised they went that direction. I expect a big-time match (possibly a match of the night contender) with Asuka coming away with the title. Now is where we get weird. After a long and grueling match, Asuka gets the victory and the title. Barely able to stand, the ref raises Asuka’s hand and gives her the belt. All of a sudden, Carmella’s music hits and she comes out with a referee in tow. Trying to take advantage of the weakened Asuka, she cashes in her Money in the Bank briefcase and attacks. Asuka pretty quickly floors Carmella with a wicked kick and pins her, maintaining the just-won championship. On the following Smackdown, we see the other Women wrestlers picking on Carmella a bit, teasing her about losing the briefcase opportunity, etc. Later in the show, we see Carmella backstage down in the dumps and all alone. In walks Baron Corbin. The lone wolf comes over to Carmella, sits next to her, puts his hand on her shoulder and tells her he understands her pain but she will be okay. It is a tender moment that the crowd will crap on because that is what they do. Then Corbin will leave because he is a lone wolf and showing care and emotion is not normal for him. But Carmella is touched by his compassion and starts trying to hang around him in the future weeks. I wouldn’t go so far as having her stalk Corbin, but she would always show up when he is around, cheering him on, wanting to talk to him, etc. It can seem annoying to Corbin at first, but we know he is secretly enjoying the fact that his attempt at being a human person has resulted in a positive response from the object of that emotion. Eventually, Corbin and Carmella will form an alliance, a partnership, and possibly even a romance which will help them both get over a little more and win a little more. And then, Test will return. I mean, Big Cass. Big Cass will come back and be all, “hey woman, why you hanging around this scuzball? I thought I was your one and only scuzball.” And we get the Baron Corbin versus Big Cass feud no one wanted.
• Oh, hey, whoever lost that Balor versus Rollins match and got sent over to Smackdown will immediately become a top contender for the world title won by Nakamura over Styles at WrestleMania. This will allow a couple months of incredible and new matches for the big gold belt while AJ maybe takes a brief vacation to recuperate some nagging injuries. Either that or he takes on Daniel Bryan after he is done with Sami Zayn.
• And finally, let’s end this with Braun Strowman. I hate the fact that the WWE is making him look so much more dominant than the entire tag team division. I just hate it. But, if they are going to do it, they might as well take advantage of another storyline going on currently. Strowman needs a partner for WrestleMania, right? Bray Wyatt just got deleted or purged or exorcised or something by Matt Hardy. Why not have Wyatt, a beaten and broken shell of a man now, be picked by Strowman as his partner. Strowman could be paying back the start that Wyatt helped him with in the Wyatt Family and Wyatt can try to start rebuilding himself. At least there will be two wrestlers holding the tag titles and not one.
• What? You are interested in fantasy booking the Universal Title? Okay, Brock Lesnar continues to make Roman Reigns look like a little bitch by beating his brains in every time they meet. Lesnar appears ready to win at WrestleMania when Reigns hits a surprise spear out of nowhere and goes for a pin. Everyone is dreading the ref’s hand falling for the three count, but no! Lesnar kicks out! He decides to stop selling and goes to break Reigns’ arm with the Kimora Lock. The ref stops the match, giving the victory to Lesnar and Reigns looks hurt (kayfabe hurt). Lesnar and Heyman stand over Reigns when Samoa Joe’s music hits. Joe comes out and suplexes Reigns out of the ring and beats on him on the floor. Lesnar is all smiles watching this and Heyman is just trying to get Lesnar out of the ring. Finally, Joe traps Reigns’ injured arm in a chair and stomps it into oblivion. Then Joe slides into the ring and gets right in the face of Lesnar who is still laughing. Lesnar stops laughing immediately as the two men butt heads and stare at each other until we fade out.

Yeah, no Ronda Rousey booking or the odd 3-way Smackdown tag title match or any of the other things happening at WrestleMania just yet. These ideas were the ones that made their way through the labyrinth without being devoured by the minotaur. Let me know what you think in the comments. Let’s make this Road to WrestleMania thing a thing!

Until next time, be excellent to each other.

Thoughts Zero – We have a Champion’s Challenge tonight with all the tag team champion Briscoe Brothers taking on the ROH TV champion Kenny King and ROH World champion Dalton Castle. That should be a fun main event on this Supercard of Honor go-home show.

1. Um, maybe it isn’t going to be the main event. In fact, we start the show with all the champions. And we also have the next ROH World Heavyweight champion Marty Scurll on commentary tonight. There seems to be something wrong with Marty’s headset microphone though as he sounds extremely raspy as he criticizes Ian Riccaboni for being in the tank for Castle.
2. I’m not sure because it’s been a while, but it sounded like the Briscoes had a new theme song. They still never explained why Mark Briscoe decided to just go along with his brother’s new attitude, which was a big storyline for a while there. Don’t get me wrong, it is good having the Briscoes as a tag team, but tie up the loose ends, okay?
3. Scurll admits he is a big fan of the Briscoes after Ian calls him out for cheering them on as they beat up Dalton Castle. It sounded genuinely disingenuous which was perfect. Plus, it was funny hearing Scurll try to start a “Man Up” chant.
4. Scurll decides to add to the wrestling lexicon when Mark and Jay hit a risky double team move on Castle outside the ring. Instead of “risking their bodies,” Scurll points out that they are “Brisc-ing their bodies.” Okay, it doesn’t work as well in print, but it was funny. The outrageous eye patch Scurll is still sporting is also hilarious.
5. Back from break and Castle finally gets a hot tag to Kenny King. King’s offense is cut off pretty quick due to the Briscoes’ effective tag team wrestling skills. Castle pisses off Mark by breaking up a pin attempt, and then Silas Young comes down to distract Kenny King and Jay Briscoe finishes him off with a Jay Driller. After the match, Silas Young stands over Kenny King holding the TV title. Then Marty Scurll comes in with the World title, looking like he was going to clock Castle with it from behind, but Castle turns around to realize that Scurll was just delivering the belt to him personally. That was nice of him.
6. Cheeseburger is out next and he appears to have a new stylist. Sporting a Macho Man style cowboy hat, vest, and sunglasses, it is a different look for Burger. But once he takes off the extra stuff, it is still teeny tiny Burger. Cheeseburger is taking on Kikutaro who appears to be a comedy worker from Japan wearing a horrible mask. Kikutaro and Cheeseburger both use referee Paul Turner as a weapon, and then The Dawgs attack and beat down both wrestlers. Bully Ray comes down for some reason and the Dawgs run off.
7. Back from commercial break and we get an update on the Women of Honor tournament. We get some highlights of Tenille Dashwood defeating Brandi Rhodes and then Sumie Sakai defeating Kagetsu to move on to the semifinals against each other. Now we have the last Quarterfinal match featuring Mayu Iwatani from Stardom versus Deonna Purrazzo. The winner of this match takes on Kelly Klein in the other semifinal match.
8. Purrazzo and Iwatani have a hell of a match although Purrazzo was a little all over the place with her psychology. For example, she caught Iwatani coming off the top rope on the outside in an armbar. But then once back in the ring, she hit a brainbuster. Then she hit a wheelbarrow suplex follwed by two German suplexes in rolling succession. I think I would have preferred for her to stay focused on one part of the body.
9. Iwatani hit a vicious snap dragon suplex and a huge top rope missle dropkick which looked solid. Purrazzo was able to reverse to an armbar, but Iwatani escaped. A few kicks later, Iwatani hit a bridging Dragon Lock suplex which looked pretty cool. Sorry, Purrazzo, but Iwantani versus Kelly Klein is the match this tournament needs.
10. They run down the Supercard of Honor card, and it looks like a pretty solid card. There are a couple matches aside from the big matches (Kenny Omega versus Cody Rhodes, Dalton Castle versus Marty Scurll, etc) include Punishment Martinez versus Tomohiro Ishii and Hangman Page versus Kota Ibushi. The show ends with Cody coming out to badmouth Kenny Omega. That brings out Kenny Omega to counter with a promo of his own. And we are out with the predictable brawl and pull-apart. In fact, the pull-apart happens by the other members of the Bullet Club in ROH, with Hangman Page holding Cody back, the Young Bucks holding Omega back, and Marty Scurll standing in the middle directing traffic.

And that’s it for this week of Ring of Honor wrestling. Everyone enjoy the weekend of big-time wrestling events and I’ll see you next week!

The Academy Awards have done it again. They’ve decided to have another awards show. As such, they have nominated eight films in the category of Best Picture. Because the members of the nominating committee are giant trolls, they have nominated eight films that I have not seen. Not for lack of trying, though. Unfortunately, I have been wearing this stupid blindfold for weeks now (how long is this Bird Box challenge supposed to last) and I can’t see anything, whether I am in the theater or not.

However, not seeing these movies will not stop me any more than it has stopped me in previous years. I know people rely on me to provide a quick summary of these movies before the big show. (Shout out to Joe the cashier down at Walgreens. I know he’s been looking forward to this column!) So if you are looking to catch a couple of these movies, or just want to sound cool in front of your friends who are buying the current Entertainment Weekly, here are my brief synopses of the Best Picture nominees. Enjoy your popcorn responsibly.

(Word of warning – a friend of mine mentioned that maybe the Oscars should have gone with that “Popcorn Movie” category this year, especially if they were just “going to nominate a bunch of “hot garbage.” Now, while I do not necessarily share this opinion, I thought it was a good line and figured I would steal it. No one has an original thought in Hollywood anyway, so it’s only fair. Thanks, John!)

            “Black Panther”

Black Panther sounds like it would be pretty cool super hero movie. Maybe in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Maybe the main character could be a superhero and king of a large nation. The big bad would have a subtle name … something like Killmonger. And it could star some of today’s hottest young actors like Chadwick Boseman, Michael B. Jordan, and Lupita Nyong’o. That sounds like it would be an exciting and interesting movie. But the Oscars would never nominate a superhero movie for best picture. So maybe this is a film about the Black Panther Party started by Bobby Seale and Huey Newton in 1966? That could be an interesting film as well. But the Oscars have always had an issue with race and racial politics, so it probably isn’t that. Therefore, by process of elimination based on the title alone, I have to assume this is a nature film which discusses the plight of the big cat. Relying on its many “aww” moments, the film follows one such animal through the wild until it encounters the rare shipping box. Several scenes of the cat trying to fit in the small cardboard box end the movie on a high note.

            “BlacKkKlansman”

Apparently, the Academy thought they would address their problem with being seen as way too white by adding TWO movies into the Best Picture category with “Black” in the title. Maybe this is a make-up nomination since he was snubbed for his best works (especially “Do the Right Thing”). I can’t get inside the minds of the Academy voters, but I am guessing they thought if they nominated something with “Klan” in the title, they could avoid a Trump tweetstorm. Frankly, I don’t have any idea about this movie, but my guess it is pretty self-explanatory, “Snakes on a Plane” style. There is a member of the KKK who is black. Probably for humorous or law enforcement reasons. Or both. I may never know.

“Bohemian Rhapsody”

Um… This can’t be a movie about Freddie Mercury and the band Queen, can it? I mean, they wouldn’t make a biopic of Freddie Mercury and have it be directed by an accused sexual abuser, would they? But they wouldn’t nominate a movie that received only average reviews and was criticized for glossing over the AIDS epidemic of which Mercury was a very public face, right? Apparently this movie made a bunch of money, because people like the music of Queen. But Best Picture? Come on, Oscars… read the room.

“The Favourite”

Given the “u” in this movie’s title, I will assume it is a British film. Or at least a movie about British people. This film is a very odd little film about a series of contests between three of the most popular people in the UK to determine who is truly Britain’s favorite. The challenges include: archery, calligraphy, professional wrestling inside a steel cage, and tea drinking. The challengers are: Benedict Cumberbatch, Harry Potter, and Mr. Bean. Hijinks ensue. And the winner is, in a surprise upset, Geri Halliwell, aka – Ginger Spice.

“Green Book”

Once more, the Academy has misunderstood a nationwide political conversation. While everyone was discussing borders and illegal aliens, the Academy decided to weigh in with this nomination. Unfortunately, they misunderstood the debate and nominated this movie, “Green Book.” “Green Book” is a propaganda film created by the Institution for Martian Excellence. It tells a tale about how Martians are great and will eventually take over the stupid Earthlings. In Martian, the word “book” actually means “domination through warfare.” And “green” refers to, well, Martians. I am really baffled as to why the Academy would choose this film, but hey, maybe we can build a Space Wall!

“Roma”

Now we get to the grittiest film of the year, a biopic of Roma Downey, actress, producer, author, and wife of Mark Burnett. The majority of the film is seen from the vantage point of Ms. Downey as she watches her husband burn thousands of hours of unused footage from The Apprentice where Donald Trump repeatedly uses slurs of every imaginable kind. A most memorable scene comes when Trump stumbles over to the catering table after eating a Tide Pod and yells at the donuts “You disgusting whores! I will be your president and you can cofeve the United Nations of Colorado. Screw Obama! Me! Money is my god,” and then he passes out in a puddle of piss one can only assume came from the Russian prostitutes he always had backstage. Truly an eye opener of a film. One reviewer proclaimed, “The best! Sad! Deplorable! Fake news!” That reviewer was named Tonald Drump, or so I’m told.

“A Star is Born”

Now we are just rolling out films from the past, because why not? This was a 1937 movie, then a 1954 movie, then a 1976 movie, and finally Lady Gaga was in it. I do know the original movie was co-written by Dorothy Parker, so it does have that going for it. However, I do not know how much of that original script is left in this newest version. Here, Lady Gaga decides to go slumming and meets up with Bradley Cooper (who appears to have accepted the role and filmed the role during a six-month bender on cough medicine). Together they steal a spaceship in Florida and fly away singing Elton John’s Rocket Man. The spaceship collides with a missile sent from Mars (and mentioned briefly in “Green Book” for a nice bit of synergy). It ends with Barbra Streisand looking up into the night sky, seeing the explosion, and uttering the famous words, “Oh, so that is how a star is born.”

“Vice”

Could this year’s nominees get any worse? We have a couple movies with the word “black” in the title because the Academy wants to disguise their racism. We have a sexual abuser being rewarded as the director of a watered-down version of a rock giant’s story. We have three British people sipping tea and lording their superiority over us with their extra “u.” We have an alien indoctrination movie. We have a movie about the blatant corruption behind the election of the United States’ 45th president, shown through the cold eyes of the wife of the guy who made Survivor. And we have Lady Gaga blowing up. What could possibly be next? Oh, for fuck’s sake. It is a movie about Dick Chaney.

That’s it. I’m out. Be sure to tip your ushers. Unless they are cows. Tipping cows is just mean. Yeah, I said it. Come at me, Wisconsin.